From digest.v7.n458 Fri Oct 17 09:00:02 1997
From: The BETTY <betty_at_pop.onwe.co.za>
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 1997 15:08:05 +0200 (GMT+0200)
Subject: Surgeon General's Warning( Russian)
WARNING: Reading the BMW-Digest can be detrimental to your health.
An alarming number of these cases have been reported. Patients display
symptoms which are both unique and mysterious, after having come into
contact with an addictive literary source known underground as The
Bee-M-DIGEST. The medical fraternity has labeled it 'freakus bimmus talkus
crappus'. Strangely, on admission, most patients put their initials down as
BMW, and their zip code as E36M3. We seem to admit an alarming number of
patients with the surname Winkelhock and Soper. When asked if they have any
special needs, 92% have been reported to mutter hysterically "Must have one,
must have one.." As yet no association has been identified, and work is in
progress to uncover any documentation pertaining to a mythical god-like
figure, a Mr JimC.
Patients having come in contact with said Bee-M digest, talk incessantly
about items such as cinder blocks, incandescant lighting, potholes,
autocross, hooters and short-shift kits ??? A wide array of side-effects are
on record, and amongst others, patients display an unusual affinity for a
seemingly simple geometrical phenonemon, known as 'The Quadrants.' They have
been known to display extreme aggression if the number 7 is loosely
mentioned in the same breath as the letters R and X. Gloating and bragging
are not uncommon traits, whilst sarcasm and lack of respect for junior
nurses is most evident. Obsessive Compulsive behaviour has been documented,
and this ailment often leaves the sufferer writing the letter M
uncontrollably on any surface they may find.
They have been known to communicate using a secret coding, and researchers
have been unable to crack codes such as RM3DR1, EPROM, 8LYFGR& and BadDog.
Patients have been known to undertake hunger strikes unless their demands
for pizza and beer are met, and when schnitzel is cooked, they keep
muttering "Schnitzer, not Schnitzel". Nurses have been warned that unless
the drug ASC (AyStopyerCrap) has been administered, that patients' hands may
wander uncontrollably around some of their more curvy parts.
We fear a number of patients will be admitted from all over the US in the
next month, when a cult gathering, known underground as the Pizzafest takes
place. This secret meeting is being closely guarded by the Benz-police, and
a number of housewives have offered assistance. Most gatherings are easily
dispersed by placing a Lexus in the parking lot.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SPECIAL WARNING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Exposure to any form of material posted by, pertaining to, tarnished by,
commented on, or associated with a Snatch Coleslaw can have serious and
lasting consequences. Patients may report the following symptoms :
- - uncontrollable bouts of laughter, followed by excruciating stomach cramps.
- - total lack of muscular control, mostly facial
- - continuous streaming from tear ducts
Readers have been warned not to read any mail from said Snatch Coleslaw,
especially when imbibing in caffeine or coloured beverages. Large monetary
loss can be expected should hardware (screens, keyboards) be
covered-in/sprayed with said beverages.
YOU have been warned!!
Dr Wood U. Sukmeovv
Mb BCH (Moscow)
- - continual complaints of monetary loss incurred as a result of
Darren "BETTY" Hilder Tel: +27 11 335 0828
RATTPac INTERNATIONAL Fax: +27 11 832 1467
Johannesburg Stock Exchange Cell: 083 444 RAT2(7282)
c/o REUTERS South Africa E-mail darren_at_rattpac.com
\|||/ or betty_at_pop.onwe.co.za
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