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From digest.v7.n1045 Fri Jan 30 13:39:27 1998
From: Ralph Lord <>
Date: Fri, 30 Jan 1998 10:03:57 -0600
Subject: MORE horses?

A digester with a curious problem wrote:

> Does anybody know of anyhting I can do to get a couple more horses out of my
> 84 318i?

And a couple of folks offered some advice. But I think a close reading of this plea will reveal that the author asked for help getting "a couple more horses" out of his smallish car. This begs several questions. To wit:

  1. How many horses have you removed previously?
  2. How did you remove them?
  3. Won't the same technique work with the remaining "couple".
  4. Are you sure there are more horses in the car?
  5. Where exactly are they? I think a few more details might elicit some more specific suggestions from the list. Along the same lines, what have you tried and what is it about these efforts that have been unsuccessful? For instance, are they wedged in somewhere that liberal lubrication of the horses might help? Are they hiding and you can't quite find them?
  6. Do you know the conditions that resulted in these horses entering your car? Perhaps creating conditions within the car that the horses don't like will drive them from the car.
  7. Speaking of driving, does the presence of horses in your 318 impair your driving and/or reduce your passenger capacity? Of course, this is assuming they are in the passenger compartment which an answer to question 5 may corrrect.
  8. Have you contacted the Ringling Brothers organization? They seem to have great success getting lots of clowns out of small cars and may have some tips relevant to getting horses out of your car. Which brings to mind the Lippizaner (sp?) folks and that man in England who talks to horses. You know, "The Man who Talks to Horses".

Lastly, have you determined that these horses of which you speak are actually in your car? I might humbly suggest some independent verification of the presence of horses in your car by a certified mechanic/mental health worker/furniture refinisher. (the latter is particularly useful in analyzing what you suspect to be horsehaaaar) Rigorous psychiatric treatment can remove all sorts of things. But then again, that's a horse of a different color. Good Luck!!

Ralph Lord
'88 535is

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